What makes a person happy? Is a hug from a friend? A kiss goodbye from a lover? A thank you from a guy you let out on the road? Or that favourite song that bings up on your ipod at the right moment? It’s all relative. We each have something that will make us happy. However, how I feel inside and how people perceive me on a general basis is shockingly different even now at this age.I had a friend ask me how my day was on twitter this week. I said I was happy, which I don’t say that often on twitter (I’m known more for ranting). At the same time I got asked that question, blokey who is away right now came online. I miss him a lot, but I was so happy to hear from him that the fact that he is not here didn’t matter. He is safe, he is well and we got to chat for a while. That thought kept me happy the rest of the day. If it had been me a while back, I would have been a miserable cow, missing him and mopping around but now I’m just happy I got a few moments to be with him (virtually).
I have been told that I seem scary, bitchy, even evil sometimes and generally not happy. I guess it’s due to the fact that I am vocal and swear like a trooper. I can’t help the swearing, it goes with my personality and vocalises how I feel at that time. An addition of “fuck” in my sentences makes it more complete. Friends who know me and are used to me know how I talk and can understand if a fuck is added in there must be a good reason (it’s not like I have turret’s syndrome). I can smile and laugh and joke, but yet there is this perception that I will switch very fast from amicable me to scary witch. The reality is not the same as the perception, but it’s hard to change people’s views.
I have been low a few times in my life, even very recently I had experiences in my life that could break a person, but somehow I survived and continued on with the help of my dear family, friends and cat. One recent experience, comes back into my head whenever I am unhappy or sad. I just remember where I was at that time in my life and how bloody awful it was and everything else that happens now is a drop in the ocean. Things that happen to me now, although it matters to a point, its non-consequential at the end of the day. But I’m no fool, daily life can get you down, which is why you need reminders every so often to pick you up.
At the end of the day, it’s how you feel that matters. I don’t want to get all Oprah-like, but if you are happy in yourself, and in your life then all will be fine. Of course there will always be things that make you unhappy, but remember the little things and all will be fine. And if worse comes to worse, I find spraying my favourite perfume (Sicily by Dolce e Gabanna – please bring it back!) can make me happy for the rest of the day.
Gotta go something has just come up to make me smile …