Shelo9’s Decade in Review

 

As 2019 and this decade finally buggers off I thought I’d share my good and bad bits of the decade for your entertainment or boredom…

Starting with the really bad –  the early part of the decade was hell due to various reasons.  Also, I worked at a horrific FMCG as Head of Legal for a few years.

As bad as FMCG place was I made good money and got to travel a bit.  Also I bought a few Chanel bags and spent a lot in Selfridges and made some friends from there.

Also due to the hell of a time in said company, I left in 2013 to start my own business – Decluttr Me. The crazy decision has been tough but worth it. Best decision I made for my heart, soul, and head. Plus I have organised a lot of brilliant spaces and been in amazing houses.

I didn’t make as much money as I would like for a bit, so worked in two real estate companies for 2 years. Both went bankrupt in the same week in consecutive years. Not my fault honestly. Still waiting for my commission from the last one. As a plus, I made a few good friends from it and know more about properties in Dubai which is useful when talking to Decluttr Me clients and discussing their wardrobes and kitchen space 😉.

I became an Auntie to my two darling, intelligent, cheeky monkey nephews Conrad and Ashton. Have so much love for those two muppets even if there face is stuck on the iPad watching someone else playing football games!  I also gained a sister in law and fallen in love with Polish dumplings (and her of course). ☺

I also became an Auntie to various friends and although I am rubbish at remembering their names (or spelling them right) and also forgetting partner names, I care about them all very much.

I lost one of my best friends 5 years ago – Shenifa – still get teary every so often, but know she is looking after us all.

My closest friends (hopefully you know who you are) both here in Dubai, UK and globally have been my rock through my depression, boy issues, work issues, etc. Thank you always. I met also some amazing people who have become dear friends over this decade in Dubai and elsewhere.

Got to visit a lot of amazing countries around the world – Iceland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark Italy (I want to retire in Tuscany), Various parts of India, Iran (well Kish Island), Kenya, Ghana, Turkey, Lebanon, Jordan, Kuwait, Oman, Sri Lanka, Nepal,  Zanzibar, Malaysia, Singapore, Mexico, Switzerland and of course Orlando to name a few. I have been lucky and thankful.

One of my cool hobbies this decade has been to become an F1 Motorsport Marshal. Have been at the F1’s to marshal them since 2014 in Abu Dhabi. Hoping to do more marshalling in 2020 to then go abroad.

Lost my first 2 furbabies – Jasmine and Amira. Jasmine died on my Dubai anniversary 21 June 2019 and the ache is still there, but life has improved having my fatty Oreo and new darling Keanu.

I dated a lot of fuckwits – the last one was dumped on Boxing Day!   On a plus, I didn’t get married or divorced. I think I was engaged during this decade, but never got the ring…

The depression has had its ups and downs. 2019 was particularly horrific for some reason, especially when in the Happiest Place in the World – Disney. Hoping this new year it will improve and the chemicals will be more balanced.

Finally, I drove my parents up the wall with my antics but I think they still love me and I love em. They have been very good to me in ways I cannot describe.  Thanks, mummy and daddy x

So that’s my some of story. Thank you for reading and being part of my life this decade and beyond. Happy New Year and hopefully it will be joyful, interesting, safe and amazing.

 

Leave Me (Us) Alone

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One minute you are having a relaxing, happy time … and then a man will come and harass you.

It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, but you will be guaranteed to be bothered by a man at some point. That point was just now for me at the beach.

First of all this is not a criticism on the lovely place where I am on holiday currently, Zanzibar. The place is amazing, the people have been beautiful and it’s been very relaxing.

So I went out in the sea, picked up seashells and just generally relaxed on my last day by the beach.

Nearing the end of walk out of the sea back onto the beach, I saw 2 young guys walking slowly where I was walking towards the beach. I couldn’t stop and wait for them to pass due to jellyfish and sea urchins surrounding me. One guy looked and kept walking, the other stopped to wait for me.

Him: Jambo [hi in Swahili]

Me: Jambo

H: How are you?

M: Good thanks

H: Where are you staying.

M: nearby [I should have said nothing but was being polite and didn’t want to aggravate the situation]

H: How long for?

M: I leave tomorrow. Ok great talking to you.

H: Are you alone?

M: No with family (I’m lying, I’m solo but he doesn’t need to know)

His friend says in Swahili that the guy in the sea must be my man (he’s not, but i ain’t going to admit otherwise)

H: Is that your man.

M: Yep

H: Oh didn’t realise you were with him (how would he know before then??)

M: 😑. Your friend is waiting for you.

H: Let me show you around

M: 😑

H: I can take you on trips.

M: Thanks again. Bye.

H: [he keeps walking by my side and talking to me].

M: thanks bye.

Finally, I stopped and pretended to get a shell. He waited. I wouldn’t move. He finally moved onwards into the sea but parallel to me. I walked as close to the coral wall/cave as possible.

This was unwanted attention. Harassment.

If a girl makes no indication of being interested, f*** off. Seriously. Go.

The friend had got the idea quickly, this douche should have followed his lead. If I was interested it would have been clear on my face.
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The worrying part was that I had to walk into half-caves (see above) to get to the steps to my hotel. He stayed near enough to me in the sea to make it a stressful few minutes up to the hotel. I shouldn’t have felt stressed, I shouldn’t have felt worried that he could drag me into the cave-like area and rape me.  I shouldn’t have felt scared. I’m a grown lady and I was scared for a few long minutes, like a child.

Despite the #metoo movement, we still have these moments. We are empowered now to write a blog on these situations, to share our experiences on social media, to report when we are assaulted, but women are still in a losing situation. For some reporting the assault results in condemnation, for others, they just don’t get heard, and women like me, we have to experience the same rubbish we have experienced for all of our lives.

We shouldn’t even get to these situations!

I am exasperated by the fact that this happened to me and also that I am writing this blog. I am hoping that the more we call out this behaviour, the more men will realise this nonsense has to stop.

For now, this is another one to add to my #metoo story. Thanks, Douche.

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© 2018 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.
©  Top Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash

©  Second Photo by Shelina Jokhiya.

Screaming Children and the Cinema

 

 

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I have written two blogs about the ordeal of going to the cinema (it literally was called that!). That was three years ago and not much has changed. I go to the cinema every week and endure screaming and crying children who are too young to be watching the movie with us.

Yesterday we went to see Crazy Rich Asians (very funny, clever and sad – you have to see it). As soon as walked into the movie we saw a baby in a mum’s lap and two kids under 3 sitting on seats in the front-ish rows. All three of us were perplexed of why the kids were in this movie. This is a PG13 movie, but we knew it was not suitable for young children and especially babies.

What happened as soon as the movie started? Well you guessed it, the baby screamed at the top of its lungs and the other two started crying. This went on for half of the movie. During that time I tweeted twice to the cinema chain.

(Ignore the fact that I gave the movie the wrong title – I was stressed!).

After about an hour, a gentleman got up walked out and must have complained as a staff member finally came in to check on the situation. The mother walked out with the baby, but the kids stayed in this non-age appropriate movie making a noise.

The cinema chain didn’t respond to my tweets until after the movie had finished. By then it was too late. The movie experience had been spoiled by these inconsiderate parents and the staff at the cinema.

The family should not have been allowed to buy a ticket for this movie with their children and definitely not allowed to enter the screening. As discussed in my previous blogs, if the movie is PG13 and 15 and the kids are escorted with their parents, they are allowed to watch the movie. That is the absurd law right now. No one with common sense has queried why movies have 13 or 15 on the end of the PG bit. Might as well make all the movies PG in that case, no?

I spoke to the Duty Manger of Vox Cinemas today and she agreed with my views on allowing these kids into adult movies.

The only way we can change this situation currently is for all of us to complain about our movie-going experience. Only with consistent, persistent complaining will upper management at these chains and the ministry take this situation seriously and hopefully change movie classifications, prevent kids from going to movies above PG 13 unless they are 11/12 and above, and also stop kids going to any movies after 9pm.

If you have bad experience at the cinema please do the following:

a. If it’s a PG13 or above and there are kids under 10 in the screening (preferably screaming) please complain to the cinema chain. Every time this happens.

b. Check if the staff come and review the screen and remove any noisy patrons from the cinema. They are allowed to remove anyone causing a disturbance and either refund them or put them in a more age appropriate movie. If no staff help, complain to the manager or on social media.

The chains are talking to the ministry about the film classification but for now, it is falling on deaf ears. We all need to keep complaining so that this is taken seriously. Yes the chains will lose money, but they will gain more happy returning cinema goers.

Let me know if you get a positive result from your complaints and hopefully soon we will start having an enjoyable experience watching movies here.

 

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© 2018 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.

Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash

Excuse of the Day – “We’re Human, we’re Sorry”

This is a story of me going to a cafe on a Friday to have breakfast with a friend. We were chilled (we had just topped up our tan at the beach) and relaxed. No drama.

The lady next to me received her coffee 45 minutes after ordering it. How do I know? She was complaining loudly about it to her husband.

I decided to tweet it. It might have been a mistake to tweet it, as I attracted the following after writing that tweet!

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There was an apology by the social media team, but then the above ridiculous excuse.

Literally, 4 tables around us got served their food and they had sat down and ordered way after us. We asked for the bill, using the entertainer voucher was fast, but then the waiter walked off and never returned with the card machine. So we asked several times for it until we lost our patience and had to find one at the main counter.

I had to give this reply.

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If you are a restaurant and have waiters/waitresses, should they not be able to handle serving food and taking payment in a timely manner?

You’d think that as this is a brand which was imported here and is big in their home country, that there would be better standards, but obviously nope.

They didn’t reply to my last tweet, so I assume they don’t care about my feedback and will not be training them to provide a more timely response. I assume I will not be going back there anytime soon.

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© 2017 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.

 

Dear Delivery Companies…

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Dear delivery companies, courier companies, restaurants, etc, in Dubai

Please explain something to me…

If we order something online and provide the delivery address, why on earth do you call us to repeat the address?

I don’t understand.

I ask several times, “why do you need my address, don’t you have it in front of you?”, but you either pretend you don’t understand or really don’t understand.

So we are forced to repeat the address several times (of course you don’t understand what we are saying over the phone).

The whole time you have the address in front of you. Do you think the letters will change as if they are in a Harry Potter movie?

Don’t torture us. Amazon don’t call to check our delivery, so why are you (even in the early days)? Just deliver it and if we are not there, then call.

Yours sincerely

An annoyed customer.

 

 

The Over-Commercialisation of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

 

This month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month aka Pink October.

Breast cancer awareness month is great as it has made women and men more aware of how to detect lumps and prevent getting the disease.

I have lost a dear friend and a lot of family to breast cancer and other types of cancer over the years. Cancer is not kind and I am all for awareness, prevention and getting a cure for this menace.

In the UAE breast awareness month only became an event a few years ago and companies embraced it wholeheartedly. You can get pink nail polish, clothes, bags, cup cakes; you name it and you can get it in pink for this month. You are expected to buy this stuff and not question the commercialisation, as it’s for cancer, innit.

But, how many of these companies actually donate proceeds to cancer charities? Yes a lot say they donate, but how much? I have a feeling it’s a nominal amount or for a lot of companies absolutely nothing. Plus the products always seem to be more expensive; thus meaning they are only donating the difference!! No one seems to show how much they donate. It’s all about showing they are part of the month for PR purposes rather than to actually help the cause to bring awareness to this cancer.

It seems to be contrived and fake. And how much can we spend on overpriced pink stuff in a month. It’s adding pink clutter to our homes.

I’d rather donate direct to charities who are working to bring awareness, prevention and find a cure, than buy the contrived pink products. If you are a charity in the UAE/GCC region collecting money for breast cancer awareness month, please let me know.

I would be interested to see which companies are actually positively participating in the month and not using it for PR purposes only. Please let me know by leaving a comment below.

 

 

 

 

© 2016 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.

 

Yes, I would like that chair…

Lobby bar

 

Today I was at a coffee shop in Downtown Dubai waiting for a friend. Whilst waiting for friend at a table with three sofas around it, one of the employees came and without asking moved one of the chairs at my table to give to the people next to me.

She didn’t ask if I had wanted the chair.

I had to tell her that she should have asked first before moving the chair. I might have wanted that chair.

As normal routine in the service industry, she argued with me – today’s argument was that the chair should have been at the other table not mine. (They already had four chairs around a small round table).

 

My reply was that:

a) She shouldn’t have argued

b) She should have just apologised for being so rude.

c) She showed no manners to a customer (me!).

After I told her that it was inconsiderate behaviour on her part, she tried give back the chair. I didn’t want it.

It’s the principle.

They don’t get it, do they.

When will they start training people in coffee shops and restaurants properly to have manners and common sense.

Can I start a school to start teaching it??

 

Update 9 September 2016 – 1  week after the incident and sending a tweet about this. I finally got a response on Twitter and also an email with a $5 voucher to use at the coffee shop. Only problem is that there was no message in the email about why they were giving me the voucher, and I have no idea if I can use it in Dubai (the currency is AED here). Also had to chase the twitter people during the week for a response. Not great coffee shop.

 

Update 13 September 2016 – received a terse reply from the American HQ regarding the $5 (it was sent in error) and that someone would get back to me from the Dubai office.

 

 

Shelina
© 2016 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.

 

So you want to be an Entrepreneur?

Entrepreneur Name Tag Business Owner Self Employed Your Own Boss

 

Recently I volunteered to talk to Year 9 (age 14) students for a Career Fair. I had advised the lady who was organizing this event about my past of being a Legal Assistant – Legal Executive – Solicitor – Businesswoman/Entrepreneur. She listed me on the programme as an “Entrepreneur” (I didn’t know this immediately).

I was asked to talk for 3 times for 20 minutes to students and parents in a large classroom.  At the first session it was a full room and I nervously explained my career path, with the students and their parents watching either in rapt attention or disapprovingly. One father was not amused with my sage advice to always carry a notebook and pen in your hand when you go to see anyone in a corporate office.

If you have not heard this advice from me in real life, here it is:

When you go to see anyone whether the CEO, your boss, the marketing administrator or the receptionist take your notebook and write down what they say. You will NOT remember what they say after you leave them. Trust me. This advice applies especially to those 21 year old MBA graduates who have not bothered to think about what they want to ask and bother the in-house legal department and then demand immediate attention and response to a non question. 

I digress.

I noticed after the first session that my classroom had been full, whereas other rooms were half empty or even empty. The second session started with a full audience and more people outside. It was weird. I’ve never had a queue of people waiting to see me, a trickle after I give speeches but never a queue!

I asked some students before I started the second session: “what are you planning to do in the future after school”.

“We want to be Entrepreneurs”, they replied

“Entrepreneurs in what? Have you created a product? An app?”

“No”

“A service”

“Erm…No”.

“Do you want to go to university?”

“Do we have to if we are going to be Entrepreneurs?”

I looked at the door of the classroom, it had my name and “Entrepreneur” next to it.No mention of being a lawyer.

*ching ching ching*.

They wanted to find out how to be an “Entrepreneur” from me. No wonder the attendees of the first session were slightly disappointed by my speech!

They have this believe that they can have the title and the money will come rolling in!!

The amount of times I go to networking events and people say they are Entrepreneurs but their business sounds like fluff. It’s just a cool term to use around town right now. I tend to call myself a businesswoman to try and show I am serious about my business.

These students didn’t want to be serious; they wanted to be cool.

How do you explain to them that it is not that easy to be an Entrepreneur in 20 minutes?

I had to tell them. I couldn’t lie. So I gave them my sage advice:

a. go discover yourself and enjoy university,

b. study something useful but broad enough like law,

c. work for a while to see how to businesses run. It doesn’t matter if they are successful or not (2 out of the 5 companies I worked for no longer exist (it wasn’t me!)), it’s the experience that will help you with running your own business, and

d. start a business, say at 35.

Yes, that’s what I did and of course other entrepreneurs have different stories. Some started much earlier, but I was a chicken for 13 years, and hey I was pioneering enough to go in-house when 95% of law students became Solicitors in law firms (tied to only one type of law and with multiple clients – not my cup of tea) or Barristers (I did a mini-pupillage and can confirm it was boring. The John Grisham novels I read were more exciting, until a Judge told me off for reading them in his court).

The students may not have liked what I had to say, but many of the parents did (you are no longer young and cool when parents agree with you).  However, some parents wanted their children to be entrepreneurs and wanted private sessions with me to find out how to become one! I tried to be helpful, but if you have no idea, no product, nothing and just want the title, you will never be an Entrepreneur/business person. 

Sergey Nivens

If you want to be an Entrepreneur and need guidance, come to me with an idea, come with a plan (a mind map is even better, like the one above) and I can give you some advice. But if you just want the title, print the first picture above and wear that as a badge.

 

Shelina

 

 

 

 

© 2016 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.

© image 1 – iQoncept, image 2 – Sergey Nivens

The MoonCup

Warning: this is a post related to periods; ergo means I will be talking about vaginas, blood, pads, tampons. Look away if they disgust you or you don’t think women really have periods. 

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A few months ago, it emerged that women had to pay a tax for using sanitary products in the UK (women in the USA found out afterwards they had to pay the same penalty). It turned out there were a list of items that the EU deemed were taxable, and sanitary pads and tampons came under that remit. Ergo, the UK politicians decided they would tax us, because having a period is a luxury.

So I ranted, although it’s not often I buy sanitary products when back in the UK, but hey I bought enough for over 10 years and I was taxed for the privilege before I moved to Dubai. During my social media rants, friends started alerting me to the Mooncup (US they call it MCUK and Canada, the Diva Cup).

What is the Mooncup? It’s this:

 

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Yep a silicon cup with a stem (bag comes with it to put away when not in use. Nice bag).  You put it up your vagina and supposedly none of your period will come out. No need for pads, no feeling queasy from having your tampon up your hoo-ha for too long. It’s eco friendly and has no chemicals in it.

I was intrigued, but it sounded messy.  If it filled up, would’t blood pour out of you? Won’t it go all over your hands when you take it out??

Despite my reservations, friends, in particular one, kept telling me I should try it. You can’t buy it here in the UAE, so I asked my mum to buy it for me to bring over. At £19.99, it is not cheap, but supposedly you only need one and that’s it for a long time. Mum thought I was bonkers but was kind enough to get it for me.

It comes in two sizes. One for under 30 va-jay-j’s and one for those over 30’s or who have popped babies out of their hoo-ha’s. How the cup knows you are over 30 is beyond me, but they must have done the science, so I went along with it.

When it arrives it will look like the above picture.  You need to try it on and cut the stem. Trying it on is not a comfortable experience for the non experienced and guessing where to cut the stem is a bit of a hit and miss situation. I may have cut my cup too short (I practically have no stem on mine now), so don’t be like me, and leave a bit of stem on until you have your period properly.  Also don’t have long nails or ones with shellac chipping off as may cut yourself inside whilst trying it out.

There is a how to video on how to put on the Mooncup. It’s not graphic so you find out how to here:

After a few months of using the Mooncup, here are my points on using it:

  1. It is a pain to try and put in the first few times. I had the flu the first month, so getting energy to put that damn thing up there was hard.
  2. You don’t need to empty the Mooncup as much as you think you should.  Wearing the Mooncup you don’t feel wet like you would with a pad or queasy like with a tampon. You feel nothing. The last few times, I have kept it up there for more than the guideline-stated 7 hours. And it still hasn’t filled up.
  3. The first few times I wore a pad as I didn’t trust myself or the Mooncup. It was a good idea when I found I couldn’t put the Mooncup back up when in a mall. I was in that cubicle for too long and started getting harassed by people on the other side, so gave up on the Mooncup and padded it out.
  4. The fold and push up manoeuvre is an art, but once mastered (mastered it at the end of the second month!), you will feel like a gold medalist.
  5. Now I just wear a panty liner. It catches occasional drops that might arise when taking it in and out, but not from the Mooncup leaking.  I keep a pad in the bag just in case. But still not used.
  6. You need to sanitize it every day (some friends have complained of getting yeast infections from the cup – I haven’t which is unusual for me, so I would put it down to the sterilizing). I sterilize the Mooncup whilst having a shower by filling a jar with very cold water and some sterilizing fluid (bought a big bottle from Carrefour in the baby section). Once my period is over, the Mooncup is sterilized overnight (with more sterilizing fluid in the jar) to make sure it is ready for the next month.
  7. It is great that we have the toilet shower things in this country so that you can clean the Mooncup and pop it back up if outside. If there is no toilet shower thingy (ie: everywhere back home in the UK!) then use a disabled toilet, and if anyone gives it large…well you know what to show them… (the cup!… not your finger)
  8. You can wear the Mooncup at night. Seriously. No need for extra long night pads to stop the leakages at the back. Seriously!
  9. I don’t get period pains anymore. I don’t know how the Mooncup has helped, but I used be in excruciating pain and now nothing.
  10. I have mentioned it before, but don’t remove the stem completely like I did. The stem is needed to help you get it out of you when it sometimes gets a little stuck up there. It is a closed stem so the cup won’t get holey if you cut it off. You also don’t want the stem too long as it will hurt the outside lips otherwise.

 

Is it worth the money? Yes. Definitely. I save on buying different kinds of sanitary products now. It does take getting some used to (like converting to Apple products), but once mastered you can’t imagine ever going back (like going back to a PC).  On a plus, you don’t have to pay tampon tax after using this (yeah I know we don’t pay tax yet in the UAE, but pads ain’t cheap here either).

I don’t often get amazed by new products nowadays, but this has blown my mind!  To find out more about it, click here to go to their website.

If you know anyone coming from the West side of the world, ask them to buy it and try it out for a few months. If you are not amazed after a few months, you can tell me so in the comments box below.

Have fun!

 

Shelina

 

 

© 2016 Shelina Jokhiya | All rights reserved – This post is provided for the convenience of Shelo’s Cheeky Rantings readers. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.