Bitch is defined as a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman.
I have been called this loads of times; at work, by men, by women, by people on the street and even by little shitty kids. Am I bitch? I can be. Is it nice to hear? Of course not, but it’s now got to the point that I just shrug my shoulders, say “meh” and walk off.
It’s not that I wake up in the morning and think “hey let’s be a complete bitch to the people who come face to face with me today”. In general I’m quite normal unless antaognised and then I become a bitch. If you are malicious, unpleasant and downright selfish towards me, with no provocation from my side then I will be a definable bitch. It ain’t pretty and add my fiery temper to the mixture and it can make a lethal combination.
Recently, I have had to think about how much of a bitch am I in my life right now. At work I had to endure nasty abusive emails from a man, who then tried to justify his behaviour in his final email by saying in a few more words that I was a bitch and no one liked me at work. Of course thats not true – the coffee boy loves me. But it got me pondering. I am in a job which involves me having to say no to hair brained ideas, illegal activities and very bad drafting on a daily basis. There is limited chance of me saying yes unless it involves the question “would you like another cup of coffee m’aam”. But does that make me a bitch? No it doesn’t, but people perceive me as one as I do not sugar coat my professional advice to them. I’m polite, professional and explain eloquently the pros and cons, but at the end of the day if its a daft idea, I’m not signing off on it and if you don’t like it, I dont give a shit. I am also the sole woman in a management role in the company full of 90% men. These men – not stating their nationality – have conflicting views of how women should talk, act and what position they should hold in the company. Me being me is not acceptable and I have to defend myself from the hurdles of rubbish I have to hear and deal with on a daily basis. In my view that makes them bitches, but men are never called that are they? They are called opinionated.
I have also been considered a complete bitch due to my last blog. I was upset, pissed off and had been fucked mentally in the head to the point of craziness. As much as I try to be strong, having all the horrible occurences happening all in one go within a week, and stupidity from one source, just made me lose all controlled sense and my fiery, passionate and crazy side came out. It’s not an excuse but it’s my reasoning. Was it bitchy. Some would say yes. Was it truthful. Yes of my feelings.
I have been told that I show my heart on my sleeve and that’s why I get treated like a muppet. I try and act like this strong, empowered, some would call bitchy, woman on the exterior to protect the heart but it doesn’t always work. And when I get exposed, I lash out in a bitchy way. I have learnt to control my fiery temper after many years of stumbling, hurting others and making some people cry (kinda of cool sometimes), but at my age and in my life I now have to do more to stop the fire.
I also have to stop being a mug with people. I need to stop giving a shit about people and their behaviour. If they can’t be gentlemanly/ladylike to me, then there is no reason for this to be reciprocated by me. Profesionally, I need to learn how to bite my tongue, get on with the work and ignore the fools. Personally, I need to stop being supportive, friendly and caring to people who will only abuse this kindness for their own gain and selfishness.
The muppet for hire has now retired, but the bitch is here for special performances.