Sometimes i wonder is this it….

I am sitting on my bed with my laptop typing whilst listing to Maxwell play his dulcet tunes into my ears. Tonight I came home, fed the cats, pottered around, answered some emails, caught up on tv and then started on a chick flick. Now here I am.

It’s the end of the day. Another day gone. Work and home with a little drive in-between and that’s the end.

It sounds pathetic writing it down. I’m not unhappy but it feels empty. My cats bring me peace and joy when I come home especially after a hard day dealing with chauvinistic arseholes and ditzy girls all day, but i can’t cuddle them for long and i can’t talk to them (ok i do talk to them but their meows in response just don’t work for me!).

I know it’s loneliness that is bringing me to write this. I know i should do something to change this but how do you change loneliness. I have done the going out, i have been on the dates. Nothing happens. i used to sabotage meetings with men, but now i think i’m just fated to be in this predicament. Sometimes there are flickers of hope but as soon as the the light ignites in me, it disappears again. No explanation, no sorry you suck. Just back to the normal life. Back to the loneliness.

There is a fear now that although i’m in my early thirties soon it will be mid-thirties, then late … and time is running so fast and i’m not catching up. I am not one of those text book ladies, that had her life planned out and has had everything like it should be (man, babies, house, job, blah blah). Nothing in my life has been smooth from the moment I was born but  you think life would throw me a bone now and give me a break.

Are women like me destined to be alone? If we don’t follow the norm, are we destined to suffer for our choices? It’s corny but I think about Carrie in SATC and wonder if life will be like hers with ups and downs but i will meet my Mr Big eventually in a few years time. I guess I have to continue to be strong and hope that one day soon i won’t be on my laptop in bed alone…

A few weeks ago there was a royal wedding and me and my lovely mate went to Barasti bar to watch it (see link http://shelina9.posterous.com/royalwedding-at-barasti-labibalaith).There was high drama with the usual knob English people (mostly women) being rude and obnoxious and blocking the view of the screen with an umbrella but that was to be expected.

There was also an OK magazine photographer (who was indian). I remember him walking past us but not asking to take our photo. He took photos of all the British white looking people around us but thought nothing of it.

Anyway today in the hair salon I read the magazine as I do when bored and in a a hair salon, and noted that all the pictures consisted of White British people. I don’t blame the photographer as I sure he was given instructions to take pics only of the white people. What I blame are the arrogant racist people who edit the magazine and think that there are no coloured people from England who live in Dubai and were watching the royal wedding.

To make clear i don’t want or like being in any of these magazines in Dubai and don’t hunt down the photographers to take my picture like other people do, but it’s the principle!

How can you show such a limited demographic in your magazine and be so blatantly racist. England has such a melting pot of nationalities who were born and brought up there. Many have moved here and many watched the royal wedding. To ignore them is ignorant and arrogant.

It is even worse when you consider how much the English media highlighted everyone in the country embracing this special day – these people were of all colour, nationalities and cultures.

It’s funny that the same ideology is not reflected by english speaking magazines in this country who are mostly edited by British people!! I would hope the attitudes of the magazine would change but I dont see it happening very soon.

I was recently fortunate to buy a bag I have dreamt of owning since I was a little girl.

Mum joined me in the moment and together we experienced the magic of buying this special piece of artistry and beauty for my lowly possessions to be held in.

The sales assistant was a gentleman and a poet and the carrier bag was nearly as exquisite as the actual bag.

Since purchasing said bag, it has come out on the weekends when I go shopping.

I have noticed a shift in how I get treated especially in shops and restaurants. In one department store the perfume man came running to me like a crazy man to try and entice me to buy the same designers range of limited edition perfumes. Didn’t happen.

In another store I touched a dress and the next moment my size was found and the dress was in the changing room for me without me uttering a word except “hello”.

When stocking up on shower gel and suntan cream in two different shops they gave me a separate bag full of free samples. I have never received such goodies before when buying from the same shops in the last few years!

The funniest moment though is today at the cinema ticket kiosk. I said I wanted to sit in the back. So she gave me the VIP ticket rather than the back row in the pleb section. Ok I paid up just because it’s Pirates 4 in 3d so most probably worth it. But the assumption was that I must only want VIP.

What does this all mean? It means people think I’m mega minted just because of the bag. Ok I’m no longer poor but I haven’t suddenly married a sheikh (still hoping). I get service in places where I would not have before and I get treated how all of us should be treated in shops in Dubai.

It’s nice to be treated as a princess but it seems you have to pay for the honour in this town.

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Newly painted Walls. Collapsed wardrobe. Any suggestions (not Ikea) to get decent wardrobe????