NYE 2012

This year has been better than the last few years.

The main thing was I cleared my debt although the shits who stole my money didn’t repay me. (yep still bitter and still waiting to seek revenge). Also finally got acknowledged for my hard work at company and now being paid as a solicitor should. Then they demoted me. But im less fussed by that as I get more time for a life again.

Bad news was my lack of a stable loving relationship again this year. I had a relationship of sort but it was negative, hurtful and depressing. Luckily out of that and got my mojo back.

Good news was that after the above, I found I’m still fanciable and had good times which was an ego boost.

So for 2012

Changing jobs within company to do compliance more than legal. Means I get to be bossy and travel the world being bossy. With job I get to help company grow into something stable and exciting. Also get to keep doing intellectual property which I love.

Bought my dream bags this year and nespresso machine so 2012 will be about travelling and saving for my own property. It’s time now that I am debt free to start investing in my future.

With regards to relationships, I have asked for family to stop looking for a Muslim bloke for me to marry. The men I get introduced to are ignorant arrogant and freaked out by independent strength. I can’t take anymore rejection from these inferior backward twats. I want to look myself and hope that I’ll meet someone on the same wavelength as me. I dont want much – love, respect and not much arguing with a huge dollop of travelling and exploring together. I want to be happy. Not much to ask for really.

Dubai has been my home for 6 years now and I don’t see that changing for now. I can’t come home to the uk as the market is so dead for lawyers and it’s just not the right time to move. For now I’m going to see more of the middle east like Beirut and make most of my “home”.

I would say I would stop smoking but I can’t guarantee that. But I need to be less curvy and more healthy again which is a mission as soon as back in Dubai.

So no resolutions but hope for changing and growing up in 2012. Inshallah all will be fine.

Happy new year to all of you and thanks for reading my blogs this year. Appreciate the support.

Xxxx shel

Chavs and British people.

I mentioned today in a tweet that a certain hotel on Beach Road was full of chavs whilst i was there. Why did I say that? Well as i was strolling around the hotel, a lot of the people were dressed like chavs, talking like chavs or actling like chavs. The main one was this obsese woman in tight short clothes talking to the valet guys about wanting to go watch the england game in a really nasal southern england accent.

Now if my mates from Medway, especially Chatham read that, they would know where I was coming from. But one woman on twitter decided to start ranting – how did i know they were english, how dare i say that about the english, etc. She also stated that “I wouldn’t say the same about my own people. She was then advised that i was British by some other tweeters, so before i could respond I was ignorant, unpatriotic and pathetic. (I was also an evil bitch, but I digress).

My argument was I was observing like I normally do. People make comments on FB and Twitter or generally in public and thats all it is. You can either read it and laugh or ignore but to start being abusive is just ridiculous.

Supposedly I’m a chav hating person. Not really love, I just come from the great town of Chatham where the chav culture really started. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chatham).The culture started in the late 80s and it’s something we have seen down Chatham High Street and Chatham Railway station grow to be part of global culture. Even WIkipedia refers to Chatham and chav! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav)

My family and friends all went to school in Rochester (the posh town (used to be a city!) next door). We were snobs, I put my hands up. We were going to “proper schools”, not wearing white trainers and were being bloody wimps! Those chavs were bloody scary in their kappa gear with baby sham in their hands. They still are.

You see the “chavs” now and the way people behave and they are nothing compared to the originals in Chatham. They have evolved. The cars are beemers rather than Ford Escorts. They can afford the proper designer Burberry stuff and they have role models on tv. I believe some people are not trying to be chavs but just talk with that nasal accent (you know what i mean) and dress in clothes which are too tight/short/shite. Those type of people we now refer to chavs or chavvy.

It might be derogatory to some, but at the end of the day I write what I see and hear. Obviously people don’t like it but then you can’t please everyone.

The problem with being British is that we are now living in a minefield of political correctness. Say one word wrong and someone has to start ranting at you.

The other major issue are the minority British expats who a need to go on about being British and pointing out to others when they are not up to their British standards. I wonder who decides who is more British. Are they more British if they only eat British food, watch British tv and not integrate with the local society?

I’m British – born and bred. I talk like a British person (ok a southern fairy) and swear like one. I grew up on the BBC and know my cheddars from Stilton (yuck!). I may have a beautiful tan but does that make me less British??  I’m guessing that because I am open to exploring other cultures and mixing with different nationalities that I am less “British” than others.

At the end of the day we have to accept that the line of correctness is blurred and that if you don’t like what certain people do or say you should just hang out with people of your own classiness. On that note I’m off to unfollow those unclassy people…

 

UAE – my second home

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Yesterday it was 40 years since the UAE became the UAE.

There will are a lot of posts on the celebrations and peoples views on this historic day.

We all have different memories and thoughts on this country. I have been here for 6 years and it has gone by incredibly quickly. I have seen the good, bad, ugly
and downright frightening. But I have been lucky and fortunate having this opportunity to experience life outside of England.

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This country has the middle eastern underbelly with the mixture of many cultures living amongst each other making this a stronger concentrated broth of culture than even in London.

I have learnt things like never go to beach road on national day, how to wear an abaya, how to order Lebanese, how to undress a kundoora (personal favourite) and many other things.

Outsiders may look gawp and make stupid comments about this beautiful country but unless you are here for a while and experience all sides of it you will never know the UAE or understand why nearly all of us, emiratis and expats, are proud of this landmark moment.

To my second home, UAE, I salute you.

Xxx

Mosque excursions in the UAE

I have lived in the UAE for 6 years.

I have been inside a mosque and prayed twice.

Yes that is terrible when you are living in a Muslim country and surrounded by mosques but hey in my defence I have reasons!!

OK I am lazy and not the best Muslim girl when it comes to going to the mosque to pray. However, there are occasions when I have tried…

1.              Jumeirah Beach Road Mosque – Attempt 1

I was five hours late for the prayers – who knew that there was only one EId prayer rather than several like in the UK. I went to meet friends.

2.              Jumeirah Beach Road Mosque – Attempt 2

I was four hours late (I forgot the one prayer time rule). I thought hee-ho I might as well as pray as I’m here. The woman’s entry was locked. I asked the Indian gatekeepers why it was locked and if I could go inside to pray. The men told me I could only go into the mosque at visiting times with the other tourists. I explained (without swearing) that I wasn’t a tourist and that nobody should be stopped from praying in a mosque.

They walked off.

I swore in the car.

3.              Sheikh Zayed Mosque – Abu Dhabi

This was a blogwritable episode but been too busy or frustrated to write about it, but in brief these were the ridiculous events:

a.          Walking towards the amazing magnificent courtyard, as usual the shyla (headscarf) was not staying where it was supposed to (fully on my head) and I was also trying to find my friend. I hadn’t even got to the first set of pillars when this security guard started yelling at me like I was a dog, telling me to cover my head. My head was covered just the shyla wasn’t wrapped around tightly.   I tutted talked to my friend on phone and then walked up to the security guard. I gave him a mouthful of venom then walked to meet my friend.

b.          At the front entrance of the main sanctum of the mosque – whilst wearing my abaya which had a split mid way down but underneath I was wearing non tight jeans – a Malaysian looking woman/staff tells me I can’t go in as I’m not covered up! I was wearing more than I do when I wear a shalwa khamez to my local mosque in Kent! I told her that I was Muslim and knew how to dress appropriately to enter a mosque. She told me to hold the split to prevent showing of non-tight jeans. I grumbled and walked in.

Spent a while walking around and looking at the amazing inside of the sanctum with friend. After a while I decided that I should go say 2 rakat knamaz so asked two lovely Emirati staff members to explain where the ablution (wudu) facilities were.

c.           Ablution/Wudu facilities in the Sheikh Zayed Mosque are beyond amazing. I have never seen anything so spectacular. If you do anything go to see this bit of the mosque! The cleaning woman was also a doll and gave me some tissues to dry myself. My faith in mosque visits was returning….

d.          Walked up to the other side of the mosque to go the ladies section to pray. It is not clear where the ladies section is so walking with my flip flops on and I was in the area u can wear shoes, I walked up to a man and woman at one door to ask where the entrance was. The man told me that the entrance was just behind him and then yelled at me to take off my shoes. You have to bear in mind that I) I didn’t know that was the bloody entrance ii) I was standing in the courtyard area in the middle of a 50 degree summer iii) I would have taken off the shoes once I knew where I was supposed to pray iv) I wasn’t in the prayer area but outside where you can still wear shoes!

After calming down and praying the two rakat I found friend and we both decided it was best to leave before either one of us explodes (he was not amused either).

So end result, finally went in a mosque in UAE, prayed and nearly beat up a few people. Great moment in my life.

4. Al Fattam Mosque – Al Thanya Street, Dubai

Today is Eid Al-Adha. My lovely friend knows my uselessness at getting to a mosque to pray Eid knamaz so forewarned me to get up at 6 for knamaz at 6.50. I woke up, I dressed, I drove to mosque (its one minute away from home) and the car park was empty. This car park is never empty for Juma knamaz. In fact people park on Sheikh Zayed Road that’s how full this mosque gets. So I thought it was weird but…

I went into the mosque. There were four women in the women section (we have a lift to get to our floor – how bloody awesome is that!!) and one man downstairs (husband of one woman). I did my two rakat to the mosque and then waited….

There was no imam (priest), no words before the knamaz. It was silent. It was eerily silent. At 6.50 us women started to talking to each other. I started tweeting to check I wasn’t losing my marbles. At 7am us women walked out of the mosque.

Its not like this mosque is small. It’s massive! It’s so loud that when the imam is in one of his loud moods the house vibrates while he prays. Its like we are in Snoop Dogg’s car bouncing in the garden. Seriously.

Great start to the day!

A kind tweeter has told me I can contact a mosque committee/association for the UAE called Awqaf to tell them that my mosque didn’t do Eid prayers. I am going to complain. If a girl as useless me gets up to do Eid knamaz in her massive next door mosque she should be able to do it!

Anyway the thought was there.

Eid Mubarak all xx

An inspiring piece of writing…for once

There is a muppet girl in our office who makes us suffer with motivating emails every day which she steals from some quote-website. For a while the messages were called “Morning Glory” but she finally stopped that stupity when i told her to check what morning glory meant to men.

Today after the “motivator” email of inspidness, she sent this address from Steve Jobs.

I’m not normally a fan of englighting talks and addresses but this is actually a good one. If you havent read it through the newspapers, social media or heard on the news then here is the text for your enjoyment.

“You’ve got to find what you love,” Jobs says

 This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

I am honoured to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world.  I never graduated from college.  Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation.  Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.  That’s it.  No big deal.  Just three stories.

 The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit.  So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born.  My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.  She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife.  Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl.  So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?”  They said: “Of course.”  My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.  She refused to sign the final adoption papers.  She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college.  But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition.  After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it.  I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out.  And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life.  So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK.  It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made.  The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

 It wasn’t all romantic.  I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple.  I loved it.  And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.  Let me give you one example:

 Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country.  Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed.  Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this.  I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great.  It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.  But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me.  And we designed it all into the Mac.  It was the first computer with beautiful typography.  If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts.  And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them.  If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.  Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.  But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.  So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.  You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.  This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

 My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life.  Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20.  We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees.  We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.  And then I got fired.  How can you get fired from a company you started?  Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well.  But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out.  When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him.  So at 30 I was out.  And very publicly out.  What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months.  I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me.  I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly.  I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley.  But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did.  The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit.  I had been rejected, but I was still in love.  And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything.  It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife.  Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.  In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance.  And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple.  It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.  Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.  Don’t lose faith.  I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did.  You’ve got to find what you love.  And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers.  Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.  If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.  Don’t settle.  As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.  And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.  So keep looking until you find it.  Don’t settle.

 My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.”  It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”  And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.  Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.  Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.  You are already naked.  There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer.  I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas.  I didn’t even know what a pancreas was.  The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months.  My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die.  It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months.  It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family.  It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day.  Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor.  I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery.  I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

 This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades.  Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die.  Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there.  And yet death is the destination we all share.  No one has ever escaped it.  And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.  It is Life’s change agent.  It clears out the old to make way for the new.  Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.  Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation.  It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch.  This was in the late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras.  It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue.  It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age.  On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous.  Beneath it were the words:  “Stay Hungry.  Stay Foolish.” I t was their farewell message as they signed off.  Stay Hungry.  Stay Foolish.  And I have always wished that for myself.  And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

 Stay Hungry.  Stay Foolish.

 Thank you all very much.

 © Stanford University.  All Rights Reserved.  Stanford, CA 94305. (650) 723-2300

 

 

 

The plane space

Isn’t it funny how you are stuck with random people in a plane for several hours. Sometimes it can be hell and sometimes it can hilarious.

My last flight to and from london was on virgin. The service was shit and the hosties were rude and they put me on a middle seat despite me booking an aisle seat months before. But I was lucky. I had an Irish boy and a Bristol man beside me making me laugh for the whole journey. We watched the same movie together and were rude to the hosties.

Coming back was another story. It was a night flight. I had a handsome quiet Irish man next to me. Throughout the flight we tried to sleep in our uncomfortable seats. Eventually I fell asleep on his back and we went to blissful sleep for a while. The man was a stranger. We had hardly spoken but in the skies we could sleep together and it wouldn’t be slutty or wrong.

When we woke being British I apologised for sleeping on him. He didn’t mind. He didn’t say much but his shy smile was enough.

We didn’t exchange numbers or talk much after. The moment had passed. However the bad flight had turned into a blissful time.

How to understand Indians

If you have ever worked with Indians from India or are about to work with them you need to read the below* to understand what the hell they are saying:

1. ‘Passing out’
When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution.

You do not “pass out” from that institution.

To “pass out” refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk, though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.

Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you actually “passing out,” but this is rare at best.

2. ‘Kindly revert’
One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or respond.

Revert means “to return to a former state.”

I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.

“Please revert at the earliest.”

“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my original primitive hydrocarbon state at 12 p.m. today.”

3. ‘Years back’
If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not “years back.”

Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched “ago” for “back” probably did it years back. See what I mean?

And speaking of “back,” asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds so wrong.

“So when did you buy this car?”

“Oh, years back.”

“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”

4. ‘Doing the needful’
Try to avoid using the phrase “do the needful.” It went out of style decades ago, about the time the British left.

Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.

You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or other dinosaurs.

“Will you do the needful?”

“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it’s done too.”

5. ‘Discuss about’
“What shall we discuss about today?”

“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our bad grammar.”

You don’t “discuss about” something; you just discuss things.

The word “discuss” means to “talk about”. There is no reason to insert the word “about” after “discuss.”

That would be like saying “talk about about.” Which “brings about” me to my next peeve.

6. ‘Order for’
“Hey, let’s order for a pizza.”

“Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”

When you order something, you “order” it, you do not “order for” it.

Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?

Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the “doing” word and added “for” to make sure their order would reach them. They must have been pretty hungry.

7. ‘Do one thing’
When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the phrase “do one thing,” you’re doing it wrong.

“Do one thing” is a phrase that does not make sense.

It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper English. It is irritating.

There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who starts a sentence with “do one thing” invariably ends up giving you at least five things to do.

“My computer keeps getting hung.”

“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer… .”

8. ‘Out of station’
“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”

“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”

Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.

What’s wrong with “out of town” or “not in Mumbai” or my favorite “I’m not here”?

9. The big sleep
“I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming.”

“OK, say hi to it for me.”

While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. “Sleep is coming” is taking things a bit too far.

Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own personalities.

10. ‘Prepone’
“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”

Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?

“Prepone” is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English dictionaries.

Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.

We don’t have the time to say silly things like “could you please bring the meeting forward.”

Prepone it is.

And one extra for fun…

11.  PFA

It means please find attached but they can’t handle writing that so abbreiviate it!

* this was sent from a friend who obtained it from somewhere else. If the author sees this let me know who you are great person and I will credit you. Thanks