New Dubai expat looking forward to writing her ‘tell-all’ exposé about life in the sand
Samantha Higgenbottom says The Daily Mail has agreed to serialise her Dubai sob story should her husband leave her
DUBAI: Within seconds of stepping off the plane at Dubai International Airport to start her new life as an expat in the UAE, English housewife Samantha Higgenbottom says she was already planning her ‘tell all’ book about life in the Emirates.
“From the very first glance out of the plane window I could tell that here was an exotic land filled with mystery and intrigue,” she tells The Pan-Arabia Enquirer while supping a Starbucks’ café latte in the Dubai Mall. “And I just knew that it would be packed full of enough eye-raising secrets to fill a dazzling exposé that would lift the lid on what it’s really like.”
Higgenbottom, 39, who has now been living in the city for a week with her hedge fund manager Darren and two cats, Misty and Pebbles, says she is yet to actually unearth any sensational stories worth telling, but is confident they’re just around the corner.
“Who knows what might happen. Perhaps I’ll befriend a group of well-connected women and we’ll spend our days shopping in designer boutiques and evenings drinking Dom Perignon aboard enormous yachts or inside vast palaces owned by chivalrous Arab billionaires who will fly us there by helicopter or drive us in their Maseratis,” she smiles, adding that she’d already bought a small notebook to jot down everything she’d witness.
“Or maybe my husband will leave me and I can write a heart-wrenching narrative about how it was the temptations of Dubai that lured him away. And don’t worry, I won’t be leaving out any of the details!”
Higgenbottom claims that the UK’s Daily Mail newspaper has already expressed an interest in serialising her story should she separate from her husband. “They’ve asked me to start compiling a selection of photos of us in happier times,” she laughs. “I’ve even got a photographer coming this weekend.”
Although not a single word of her gripping real-life Dubai-based drama has been written, Higgenbottom admits she hasn’t been wasting any time in coming up with potential titles.
“Obviously it might have to change depending on the content, but I’ve got a few ideas I quite like, including ‘Secrets Beneath The Sand’, ‘Divas of the Dunes’, ‘Dubai My Lover’, you know, like the James Blunt song, and ‘Behind The Veil’,” she says.
In the meantime, while she researches the juicy content for her bestseller, Higgenbottom claims she has another project in the works.
“The other day I noticed just how many restaurants there were in Dubai serving scrummy dishes from around the world, and realised that they was hardly anybody writing about them,” she says. “So I’m now in the final planning stages of setting up a dedicated food blog.”
We had a company party and of course being in the Middle East – a belly dancer entertained us. She was good but not as good as the man. You have to see it to believe how mental he was.
If you have ever worked with Indians from India or are about to work with them you need to read the below* to understand what the hell they are saying:
1. ‘Passing out’
When you complete your studies at an educational institution, you graduate from that institution.
You do not “pass out” from that institution.
To “pass out” refers to losing consciousness, like after you get too drunk, though I’m not sure how we managed to connect graduating and intoxication.
Oh wait … of course, poor grades throughout the year could lead to a sudden elation on hearing you’ve passed all of your exams, which could lead to you actually “passing out,” but this is rare at best.
2. ‘Kindly revert’
One common mistake we make is using the word revert to mean reply or respond.
Revert means “to return to a former state.”
I can’t help thinking of a sarcastic answer every time this comes up.
“Please revert at the earliest.”
“Sure, I’ll set my biological clock to regress evolutionarily to my original primitive hydrocarbon state at 12 p.m. today.”
3. ‘Years back’
If it happened in the past, it happened years ago, not “years back.”
Given how common this phrase is, I’m guessing the first person who switched “ago” for “back” probably did it years back. See what I mean?
And speaking of “back,” asking someone to use the backside entrance sounds so wrong.
“So when did you buy this car?”
“Oh, years back.”
“Cool, can you open the backside? I’d like to get a load in.”
4. ‘Doing the needful’
Try to avoid using the phrase “do the needful.” It went out of style decades ago, about the time the British left.
Using it today indicates you are a dinosaur, a dinosaur with bad grammar.
You may use the phrase humorously, to poke fun at such archaic speech, or other dinosaurs.
“Will you do the needful?”
“Of course, and I’ll send you a telegram to let you know it’s done too.”
5. ‘Discuss about’
“What shall we discuss about today?”
“Let’s discuss about politics. We need a fault-ridden topic to mirror our bad grammar.”
You don’t “discuss about” something; you just discuss things.
The word “discuss” means to “talk about”. There is no reason to insert the word “about” after “discuss.”
That would be like saying “talk about about.” Which “brings about” me to my next peeve.
6. ‘Order for’
“Hey, let’s order for a pizza.”
“Sure, and why not raid a library while we’re about it.”
When you order something, you “order” it, you do not “order for” it.
Who knows when or why we began placing random prepositions after verbs?
Perhaps somewhere in our history someone lost a little faith in the “doing” word and added “for” to make sure their order would reach them. They must have been pretty hungry.
7. ‘Do one thing’
When someone approaches you with a query, and your reply begins with the phrase “do one thing,” you’re doing it wrong.
“Do one thing” is a phrase that does not make sense.
It is an Indianism. It is only understood in India. It is not proper English. It is irritating.
There are better ways to begin a reply. And worst of all, any person who starts a sentence with “do one thing” invariably ends up giving you at least five things to do.
“My computer keeps getting hung.”
“Do one thing. Clear your history. Delete your cookies. Defrag your hardrive. Run a virus check. Restart your computer… .”
8. ‘Out of station’
“Sorry I can’t talk right now, I’m out of station.”
“What a coincidence, Vijay, I’m in a station right now.”
Another blast from the past, this one, and also, extremely outdated.
What’s wrong with “out of town” or “not in Mumbai” or my favorite “I’m not here”?
9. The big sleep
“I’m going to bed now, sleep is coming.”
“OK, say hi to it for me.”
While a fan of anthropomorphism, I do have my limits. “Sleep is coming” is taking things a bit too far.
Your life isn’t a poem. You don’t have to give body cycles their own personalities.
“Let’s prepone the meeting from 11 a.m. to 10 a.m.”
Because the opposite of postpone just has to be prepone, right?
“Prepone” is probably the most famous Indianism of all time; one that I’m proud of, and that I actually support as a new entry to all English dictionaries.
Because it makes sense. Because it fills a gap. Because we need it. We’re Indians, damn it. Students of chaos theory.
We don’t have the time to say silly things like “could you please bring the meeting forward.”
Prepone it is.
And one extra for fun…
It means please find attached but they can’t handle writing that so abbreiviate it!
* this was sent from a friend who obtained it from somewhere else. If the author sees this let me know who you are great person and I will credit you. Thanks